Totally Expected To Post Last Week

... and then reality hit and I realized the deliciousness of a grandma taking care of baby so that I could blog SLEEP.

But anyway, vacay visit was awesome.  It felt so good to see my mother-in-law bonding with my daughter.  I was a little afraid at first that she'd need some time to open up to her grandma after a four-month absence, but she took to her immediately... much to everyone's joy.  And my little explorer took her first step, to boot!!!

But the best part was that we celebrated her first birthday (two weeks early) with a family barbecue!  Here's a pic of the 'Thank you' card I made for everyone.  Birthday Girl is in the front, in the arms of her great-grandmother (and yes, she is wearing a Tinkerbell costume-- which JUST happens to be the theme of her nursery).  Solo pics of the birthday girl soon to follow!

The Mother In Law

I was actually (days) pregnant in this pic-- little did I know!  heeheehee.

Flying out to my husband's family tomorrow.  We'll be with them for a week.  I really don't like calling my husband's relatives "in-laws", seeing as the term in our society has come to connote a less than affectionate relationship so much of the time.  My relationship with the hub's parents, particularly with his mom, has always been more wonderful and amazing than I could ever describe.

Once in a while, I get the question, "So, do you get along with your husband's mom?"

And I always start out with a little chuckle.  Hmmmm... how to explain... My mother-in-law has been an angel in my life since I started dating her son more than ten years ago.  She has profoundly impacted my life in such a way that I could never describe.  Whenever I have a problem or concern, she is always there to provide wisdom.  She's wonderfully compassionate, wickedly smart and has that Midwestern, no frills, immovable practicality that never ceases to amaze this dramatic, chaos-ridden  Brooklyn girl.

I firmly believe that mother-in-laws have a tremendous power and influence over their children's marriages-- whether they are directly involved in day-to-day activities or not.  My mother-in-law has always been a force that helps bring my husband and I closer.  She has taught me-- and continues to teach this product of a single parent how to be a wife-- cause honey, those things are MADE, not born!   

Holy Crap! Where Have I Been...

...that I would miss the utter fabulousness of ABC's WIPEOUT?  I'd never heard of it before.  I don't even know when it airs.  But I watched the couples episode on abc.com and laughed my ass off.

Which brings me to something I've asked myself before:

Why is it that nothing tickles my funny bone more than somebody busting their ass?

PSYCH 101 answer:
It's a reflection of my hatred/discomfort for my own vulnerability as well as a sigh of relief  (Thank GOD  there's someone who can make a complete and utter ass of themselves besides me.)

I'm really hard on myself.  I have a perfection complex.  Yet I'm far from it.  I piss people off with my lateness (and get infuriated by other people's lateness because, let's face it, if you're later than me, you have truly crossed the limits of acceptability).  I fart a lot.  I'm so forgetful and disorganized that every year I make sure I have a colleague who is my designated handler.  They tell me which meetings/workshops to show up for, upcoming holidays (so that I don't show up!) and other pertinent information that any teacher on staff can access via e-mail, but that just seems to escape my notice.   I am so out to lunch when it comes to details that, once, after a lovely night at a jazz club, I put my key in a car, got behind the wheel, locked the doors and was about to start the ignition before I realized that it was not my vehicle.

Yeah, I'm one of those...

Still and all, I have this need to be perfect-- at least in the things I think I have half a chance at not screwing up.  (We'll discuss those later).  I'm exceptionally hard on myself-- especially when I feel I have let others down.  And basically, yeah...  the whole point is I enjoy watching people humiliate themselves.

What I learned about myself using Facebook

1.  I'm still a grammar snob-- even if my own grammar has gotten worse.  (Shut up.  Don't judge me.) I've befriended a lot of younger people lately and I'm ready to de-friend them because I can't take the fucking HORRIBLE writing anymore.  Since when is a period optional????????

2.  I have resolved myself to the fact that my husband and I will never one of those sickeningly cute or romantic couples.  He never has any gushingly romantic announcements about me and our incredible, enviable, undying love in his statuses.  He calls me "The Wife"  (Yeah, try not to gag on the overwhelming sentimentality of it all).  He never puts me in any of his profile pictures.  I hate him.  

3.  I like using three names  (first, maiden and married).  It's classy and it makes me feel OFFICIAL.

4.  I do alright with what I have, but I'll never be the popular girl with a zillion friends-- some thing never change, I suppose.  I feel a little sad about that.  I think I might reinvent myself.  Nah, I'm good.  Relationships take energy...  

There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for you to watch this

But if you're here, you've obviously got twenty-two seconds (That's right, 22 seconds!) to kill.   

And just in case you don't, the text is below.

  

(And yes, this is how I really sound.)

"Hey Ya'll! It's Aspiring Napper.  As this blog evolves to whatever's it's going to be, I'm going to experiment, um, and I'm experimenting with this vlog right now!  Yaay!  Whassup!  Holla!  Um, so stay tuned..."

Murphy's Law... According To The Kid

1.  The baby will ALWAYS wake up just as I'm thinking about drifting off to sleep.

2.  Give her a teething biscuit?  No thanks.  A banana slice?  Not having it.  A remote control?  BINGO!  Straight to the mouth.

3.  In the ten minutes in which I take off her diaper (to let her air out and avoid diaper rash) she WILL ALWAYS pee.

   

4.  When feeding her, she will ALWAYS rub her eyes and get food on her eyelids and hair.  And then get pissed at me.  WTF, Baby?

5.   Be so beautiful that I always wonder, "Are other mothers as in love with their babies as I am?  They can't be, otherwise the world would be a place of uninterrupted beauty and peace, with each of us doing it for our children."

So Lebron James Picked Miami

and I don't give a shit.  I hate sports.  I don't want to alienate anybody reading this who might enjoy watching a game or two, but I just don't get it.  I mean, how can you get so invested in a game that you're not actually playing yourself?  And somebody tell me WHYYYY do these athletes make more money than God?  I mean, seriously.


My husband, who is a geek CUBED (albeit sexy, might I add-- just in case you're reading this, Snookums, hehe.. ahem...)  I mean we're talking a Star Wars, Star Trek, Star Something ( I get them confused sometimes) lovin', comics-readin', Lord of the Rings made-me-watch-the-whole-extended-version-trilogy doin'... (Do I need to go on here, folks?) is even upset about it.  Okay, so what?  He's from Cleveland.  But he's upset, calling Lebron a traitor.   First of all, don't folks have the right to choose where they're working bouncing a fucking ball?  And second of all, he actually cares.  Really?

I mean, really?