I always knew I wanted to breastfeed. I read extensively about it and took a breastfeeding class. I felt very prepared. But my journey to breastfeeding was wrought with disappointment and frustration.
My daughter was born pre-term, due to my pre-ecclampsia. She was very tiny (four pounds, nine ounces) and tired easily at my breast. The doctors were concerned. She was losing weight and having trouble maintaining her body temperature. They recommended high-calorie formula specifically for pre-term babies until she reached a certain weight. She was fed my colostrum from a bottle-- which was easier for her to suckle from. But I was advised to refrain from breast-feeding until she was a little stronger and could effectively nurse.
I was crushed. I was more than crushed, I was angry.
It was the latest blow in a pregnancy that had been wrought with unexpected and trying complications. But I had to put aside my expectations and do what was right for my baby. So, as my mom, mother-in-law and husband fed her from the bottle, ( I didn't want her to associate me with the bottle and thus refuse my breast when offered) I pumped. Endlessly. Around the clock-- just like I was feeding a newborn.
Eventually, I was able to mix the formula with my breastmilk. This made me feel good. At least she was getting something from me! And then, finally after a month, the pediatrician said that I could exclusively breastfeed! I was estatic.
Only thing was, by this time, my daughter wanted no part of my breasts! Now mind you, throughout this time, I had been periodically offering her the breast. But she hated it. She squirmed and cried as if in terrible gastrointestinal pain. I felt not only rejected, which was awful in itself, but like a horrible, selfish mother for trying to force her.
My pediatrician recommended consulting a lactation specialist. I called an advisor at the La Leche league. In order to wean my baby from the bottle, she recommended feeding her from a dropper. My husband and I tried this. It was an unmitigated disaster. According to my research, if my baby wasn't latching on properly by a month, my chances for success were dim. Sick of the endless pumping and hurt by my baby's rejection, I was losing hope.
Then, finally, at two months of age, she finally nursed! I was soooo glad I hadn't given up trying!
Breastfeeding has not been easy. It's been painful and I've had two breast infections (mastitis). But has it been worth it? Absolutely. The best part, besides the immense benefits that your baby receives, is that it's a real self-esteem booster. And all of us mothers need that from time to time!
So, don't give up on your breastfeeding dreams!!
Good for you! What an inspiring message! [And what a lucky baby your daughter is!]
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Kelly! I only hope to inspire those who did not grow up in a breastfeeding culture or have a lot of support (like myself)!
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding is tough. I tried to do it around the clock but had no milk. I would pump every two hours, but only get 2 oz. in a 24 hour period. Nobody tells you how hard it is, they just tell you to do it. I think it is very important to try to breastfeed, but if it doesn't work formula is great substitute.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you were finally able to do it